When I was pregnant with Kian, I use to wonder if I would be able to love him as much as I love Cloe. I was afraid of not being able to. I was afraid that my love was exhausted, and I could not love him equally.
My first maternity brought me a very great change at all levels. The sensitivity was multiplied by thousands, and unconditional love came to my life. Cloe was a huge transformation engine for me as a person. And thinking that another person would come, I just wasn’t able to think that I would feel that big love at the same level. I don’t know how to explain it with more words. I simply was afraid to not love him equally.
And Kian arrived, and doubled the love. And not only doubled but life offered me another being with a unique sensibility, with a calmness that I had not lived before, and with a personality completely opposite to his sister.
Do I love them equally? No, I don’t love him as I love Cloe. I’ll never want love them equally. I love them both infinite but in a very different way. Because they are different and I’m not the same mother to both of them.
And why do I think that I am not the same mother? Because when Cloe was born, my maternal world woke up. It was a new world and I was a person.
When Kian was born, I was already a mother, but being a bi-mother was new to me. And I was another person… And on this I could lengthen me much. That is to say, that as both grow, I grow with them, learning from them and their unique personality, re-inventing and adapting myself, without forgetting that I also have my needs. And not only personal, but also professional. For both I am different and for both I am their mother.
Because both are unique, and I don’t want to educate them equally. Because everyone has different needs. And discovering them, I re-invent and adapt myself.
They are not equal. Nor I with them.
Many of you will tell me I am the same person. Yes, of that there is no doubt. However, I want to live up to both of them. I want them to find whenever they need me. And I want them to stop needing me when they are ready. In every experience, in every situation.
Because they don’t need me equally. They need me in a different way. And not only as different people they are, but also as the different experiences that they live. And as people who also treat me differently and connect me with diverse experiences they have lived or are about to live.
I firmly believe that as children’s companions we should have our own mantras or phrases that they receive. It doesn’t matter if you are a mother, father, uncle or grandmother. It doesn’t matter your role with them. The important thing is that they are lucky enough to express themselves, to be themselves and that the adult who is to accompany them at all times can meet the child’s needs, which often clash directly with the adult’s tools. Oh, this is really interesting! And how difficult it is often.
A sustained child, whose emotions are accompanied and validated, not judged and listened to can only be one more agent of transformation in this crazy world we live in.
A world where empathy, respect and listening are often conspicuous by their absence. A world that can make you feel big or small. And I want to make them feel great. For this reason, my mantras accompany me. And the most important is to tell them how proud I am to be their mother, and that they are my children. Thus, daily, to each and every one and separately.
Because I think it is very important not to compare them, not label them, not to judge them and, above all, give us moments together and separate. And to repeat often that they are unique, unrepeatable and exclusive. And that they, this way, with their unique characteristics, gave me a new life, which although complicated, the satisfaction and love far exceed my expectations.
Once again, my children, thank you for choosing me.
Because this phrase I repeat it often. What is your phrase or mantra for your children?